The 3 Loves You’ll Encounter

The below is something I read and saved a few months back somewhere in the world of social media.  I reread it again yesterday and thought it would be worthwhile to share with my audience.  Do you feel the article is accurate when comparing your love life?  What “love partner” do you think you have right now?  Tell me what you think in the comments below.


The 3 Loves

It’s been said that we really only fall in love with three people in our lifetime.

Yet, it’s said that we need each of these loves for a different reason.couplebw

Often our first is when we are young – high school even.  It’s the idealistic love; the one that seems like the fairytales we all read as children.

It’s a love that looks right.

The second is supposed to be our hard love; the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved.

Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even.

It’s the love that we wished was right.

And the third is the love we never see coming.  The one that usually comes dressed all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be.

It’s the love that just feels right.

Maybe we don’t all experience these loves in this lifetime; but perhaps that’s just because we aren’t ready to.

Possibly maybe we need a whole lifetime to learn or maybe if we’re lucky it only takes a few years.

And there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately last until their last breath.

Someone once told me they are the lucky ones; and perhaps they are.

But I kind of think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones.

They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love.

But there’s not; it’s just a matter of if someone loves in the same way that they do or not.

And maybe there’s something special about our first love, and something heartbreakingly unique about our second . . . but there’s also just something about our third.

The one we never see couplebwoldcoming.
The one that actually lasts.
The one that shows us why it never worked out before.

And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love.


This poem actually has two sides to it.  Originally I was going to write two separate poems but I decided to combine the ‘fairytale’ and ‘not-so-fairytale’ parts of dating.  I think this is one of my best poems.  Not because it is one of my BEST, but because I put my heart and soul into this one and it is probably the closest to what’s true to my heart.  Check out my Poem & Article page by clicking here.



I thought a miracle had happened
One that opened my eyes
From the ruins of this heart of mine
He nudged it back to life.
After all my searches have ended
And the ones who’ve played the games
Left me confused about relationships
It seemed he wasn’t the same.

He spoke such lovely words to me
I danced on them like sun-ray beams
I took the chance on happiness
That I forgotten how to be.
When he moved closer into me
And the light hit his eyes just right
I could see myself with him
And my future appeared as bright.

He pulled me in and grabbed me close
He slipped his fingers through my hair
Knocked on the walls of my broken heart
And told me not to be scared.
He slipped his hand into my hand
Asking me not to let go
In return I slipped him my heart
That’s when I should have known . . .

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Fight the Good Fight

We are two people compassionate about our values – what we deserve, what we desire, what we hold dear. We value these things so much within ourselves that we create a blockade from each other. We don’t see beyond that. But we should. Because baby, if that’s our only hangup, it’s not worth a breakup, there’s a thousand times we can makeup, to know our hearts are still there. The easy way is “out”. That’s too weak for my soul! I’d rather “fight the good fight” together moving forward. The fight we have in us put to the true test of time, love, and serendipity; by embarking on a journey . . . a remarkable journey . . .  most likely, where we haven’t been before. But oh what a thrill, and all-in-all we are understanding the importance of each other’s values. I rather that than clash on superficial wants, or on hollow hearts. Having this kind of sapiosexual bond is not for the faint-hearted. We are what make others jealous where we stand – it is a place unattainable to most. It is a place I’d like to stay in with you. Our souls have been awakened. Our bodies so use to living without it that we have no idea how to nourish the soul – and that is what frightens us. But is it really a bad thing to feel . . . when it is moving us to a better understanding of ourselves and what we deserve, desire, and hold dear?

. . . and That’s Why They Call It ‘Falling’

Falling in love can be scary.  That’s why it’s called “falling”. With any type of fall you’ve seen your life flash before your eyes and sometimes you wonder as you are falling “am I going to get hurt?”

Love is where you know you deserve the very best in someone so that it also brings out the very best in you. You want this . . . you know you need it.

Falling in love is suppose to be a time of confusion. It’s ok, because it makes you look within yourself and what you feel you can bring to the blossoming relationship.

The normal healthy confusion is this:  you don’t feel you deserve that person, but at the same time you want nothing less.  It is this pivotal moment while falling that either you embrace it or not face it.

Falling in love challenges people. Logically it is put on trial but in the end you can’t help but know the feelings outweigh anything that can be measurable.

Copyright | Angela J Thomas 2016, all rights reserved.

Top 21 Song Lyrics

If you are looking for great lyrics and unique verses from songs not regularly played on the radio, then you have come to the right place! Scroll down to view a list of my top 21 and if you are interested to read the full lyrics just click on the song title and artist.  Enjoy!


Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you’re gone and I’m haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

Almost Lover,  A Fine Frenzy


I hate my life, don’t want to be here anymore God, please come and get me. 
Tired of breathing, at times I wonder if this cold heart I’ve got is still beating, 
I’m freezing, winter’s always the season, I’m in. 
and I don’t see any progress or healing, 
thinking suicidal thoughts, alone in my car, drinking. 
I’ve Been hurt so many times, promises have been broken. 
I’ve learned I can’t trust no one, and happiness seems so hopeless. 
I want to trust in you, but I’m not sure how. 
Will you show me how God? Please, help me, cus I need you now. 

Yea I’ve had those days where things go wrong, 
and everything seems to fall apart. 
Teach me how to trust in you, my God. 
Cus only you can make it better. 
I Trust in you. 
Lord I trust in you. 
I trust in you, 
Lord I trust in you.

Trust In You, Lazarus ft. Shilom J


I’ve been feelin’ so sick inside
Got to get better, Lord before I die
Seven doctors couldn’t help my head, they said
“You better quit, son before you’re dead”.

The Needle and the Spoon, Lynyrd Skynyrd


She’s imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help
She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine.

She Used to Be Mine,  Sara Bareilles


The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I’m an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they’re still looking for life.

Broken, Lifehouse


I’ve kept Your love like there was none to spare
I’ve heard the call and seen the need
But I’ve been lost in apathy
When did I get too comfortable to care?

Give It All Away, Sidewalk Prophets


She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away.

Does Anybody Hear Her?, Casting Crowns


You swore you’ve never hit ’em, never do nothing to hurt ’em,
Now you’re in each others face,
Spewing venom, and these words, when you spit ’em
You push, pull each other’s hair, scratch, claw, bit ’em,
Throw ’em down, pin ’em, so lost in the moments, when you’re in ’em
It’s the rage that’s the culprit, it controls you both
So they say it’s best, to go your separate ways,
Guess that they don’t know ya ’cause today, that was yesterday . . .
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright, because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright, because I love the way you lie.

Love the Way You Lie,  Eminem ft. Rhianna


I found an island in your arms 
Country in your eyes 
Arms that chain 
Eyes that lie.

Break On Through (to the Other Side), The Doors


If loves so easy, than why is it hard?

We’re Just Friends, Wilco


You’re dangerous ’cause you’re honest
You’re dangerous, you don’t know what you want
Well you left my heart empty as a vacant lot
For any spirit to haunt.

Who’s Going to Ride Your Wild Horses, U2


I don’t deserve your love
But you give it to me anyway
Can’t get enough
You’re everything I need
And when I walk away
You take off running and come right after me
It’s what you do
And I don’t deserve you

Don’t Deserve You, Plumb


You could’ve rolled your eyes
Told me to go to hell
Could’ve walked away
But you’re still here
And I’m still here
Come on let’s see where it goes

I don’t wanna steal your freedom
I don’t wanna change your mind
I don’t have to make you love me
I just wanna take your time

I don’t have to meet your mother
We don’t have to cross that line
I don’t wanna steal your covers
I just wanna take your time.

Take Your Time, Sam Hunt


Don’t tear me down for all I need
Make my heart a better place
Give me something I can believe
Don’t tear me down
You’ve opened the door now, don’t let it close.

All I Need, Within Temptation


I can’t feel my senses
I just feel the cold
All colors seem to fade away
I can’t reach my soul
I would stop running, if knew there was a chance
It tears me apart to sacrifice it all but I’m forced to let go

Tell me I’m frozen but what can I do?
Can’t tell the reasons I did it for you
When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you
You say that I’m frozen but what can I do?

Frozen, Within Temptation


It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all!

Let It Go, Idina Menzel


Please don’t ask me what’s on my mind
I’m a little mixed up, but I’m feelin’ fine
When I’m near that girl that I love best
My heart beats so it scares me to death!

She touched my hand what a chill I got
Her lips are like a vulcano that’s hot
I’m proud to say she’s my buttercup
I’m in love
I’m all shook up
Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!

All Shook Up, Elvis Presley


Always felt like my vision been bigger than the bigger picture
Crazy how you gotta wait until it’s dark out to see who really with you
Crazy how even when it miss ya, shit’ll come back around and get ya.

How About Now, Drake


All the vampires walkin’ through the valley
Move west down Ventura boulevard
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
All the good girls are home with broken hearts.

Free Fallin’, Tom Petty


Livin’ easy
Lovin’ free
Season ticket on a one way ride
Askin’ nothin’
Leave me be
Takin’ everythin’ in my stride
Don’t need reason
Don’t need rhyme
Ain’t nothin’ that I’d rather do
Goin’ down
Party time
My friends are gonna be there too.

Highway to Hell, AC/DC


I know I can’t take one more step towards you
‘Cause all that’s waiting is regret
Don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Jars of Hearts, Christina Perri

Hearts Made for Breaking

Are hearts just made for breaking

To tell others you came out strong

When you can still feel the pain?

Is the heart made for bending

To test your adversities

When everything remains the same?


Broken pieces on the ground

Hard to see when there’s no one around.

This porcelain heart breaks for the last time

If it breaks again I’ll surely die.

Someone mend me back together

Oh God, I can’t take this forever.


Something has got to give in

A change in course, a new direction,

Or stay focused on the right path.

What curse has hold of me – leave!

The agony is insane

Be gone with your deadly wrath.


Hearts are not made for breaking

Nor are they for anyone’s taking.

If this heart breaks one more time

It won’t again be able to shine.


Copyright © 2016 Angela J Thomas

The Dysfunctional Family: Is yours one?

“Every family is dysfunctional!”

“What family isn’t bat-shit crazy?”

“There is always that one member that ruins the family legacy.”

You’ve heard it all!  The word ‘dysfunction’ rolls off the tongue as common as sweat drips off the brow.  Because of its commonality, people have begun to normalize that dysfunctional families are miraculously inherited.

Sorry to burst your bubble – it is not and it isn’t normal.

To know if your family has dysfunctional characteristics, we must first explore the Family System.

Let me sum it up.

The family is a system consisting of connected components (i.e. family members) organized around various functions that interact to maintain balance and a state of equilibrium (McWhirter et al., 2013).

Families are interdependent in that each member of the system influences and is influenced by each other member.  Each member contributes to the equilibrium or homeostasis balance. Homeostasis is represented by a particular family’s ongoing behaviors, habits, expectations, and communication patterns.  It is closely related to defined roles of each member of the family.

Just to let you know: It is normal for all families to endure crisis when transitioning from one family stage to the next during the Family Life Cycle.   This happens when there is normal family development and families negotiate these transitions adequately.

So what isn’t so normal? A closed-system family.

A closed-system family can be blatantly obvious or sometimes extremely subtle.  Usually the roles are not conscious attempts to keep the family imbalanced or to maintain instability.  Rather it is the pattern of behavior that maintain homeostasis that are rigid and unyielding.

Typically closed-system families contribute a disproportionate share of troubled youths to society because problem behaviors emerge more in closed family systems.

Closed family systems also typically demonstrate one of two major types of problems: detachment or enmeshment.

(This is where you find out which family you have, if either).

Detachment: a detached family is one in which the individual members function separately and autonomously with little family interdependence (McWhirter et al., 2013).  When a family member faces time of stress, the family hardly seems to notice or respond at all.  Boundaries are so rigid that only a high level of individual stress may activate support from other family members.  The family members don’t get their social and emotional needs met, nor do they learn appropriate ways to meet the needs of others.  Despite these circumstances, the family often remains intact because of no alternative.  Unfortunately, detached families produce young people who form inadequate or dysfunctional relationships outside the family because they haven’t learned how to have good relationships within the family.  They likely are unfamiliar that other kinds of relationships are possible.

An example of a detached family would be the one I grew up in.  Rarely praised.  Rarely hugged.  Rarely heard “I love you.”  Just like family functions vary from culture to culture, so did we.  I would not say it was like this all the time, but the majority of the time.  My father was a military man, and most of his life being spent in the armed forces, he developed a sense of rigidity and focused on structure.  Having a father like that isn’t that bad, and not all military personnel raise detached families.  The one familiarity that strikes me the most was the part that an individual’s stress will likely go unnoticed by other family members unless the stress is high and most likely had to be dramatically shared with the family to get a response.  The family system – especially that are closed – are not easy to change.  In my case, as I’m sure with most of the family, we have learned to accept that is how our family functions.  What is funny is that we recognize it but don’t know where to begin to change it.  So the next best step that I know I have taken is to approach other relationships completely the opposite.  Does it always work?  No.  The “use-to-a-certain-regiment” can be clearly seen sometimes when communicating with others, however, I try to rectify myself when I notice it.  This was only one example.

Enmeshment: enmeshment families demonstrate such intensity and closeness in family interactions that the members are overly involved and overly concerned with each other’s lives.  Youths growing up in an enmeshed family have a distorted sense of involvement, attachment, and belonging.   They fail to develop a secure sense of individuality, separateness, and autonomy.  When a member of an enmeshed family encounters a stressful situation, the family is likely to respond by rescuing rather than teaching constructive problem solving.  Subsystem boundaries are weak, easily crossed, and poorly differentiated; children may act like parents, and parental control may be ineffective.  For youths, there is a distorted sense of belonging and attachment that interferes with the capacity to negotiate developmental tasks successfully.

An example of an enmeshed family is one I had the pleasure (not) of witnessing.  A few years back I was dating a younger guy.  I didn’t know until four months into our relationship that he was part of a well-known family brand.  With his “title” came responsibility.  However, as I’d say, he had “minions” to help make decisions for him most of his life.  He had no clue of autonomy, and unfortunately what most would consider “abnormal” family behavior, he did not see it that way because he did not know any better.  Quickly after I found out his status, things started to get weird.  It was like I was getting a glimpse into his world – like peaking through the blinds out of curiosity.  I started to notice he was very vague about his life and the life of his family.  He and his mother were very close – almost too close for comfort.  But I ignored it because coming from the other end of the spectrum I thought maybe their relationship was considered normal.  They lived miles apart.  They’d speak every day – sometimes five times a day, especially when I was around.  He had no sense of establishing boundaries with his mother and spending time with me.  I’d often make this known, but he thought I was trying to eliminate his relationship with his mother completely, which was not the case.  We traveled together to visit her.  That’s when I couldn’t turn a blind eye.  One morning I slept in and woke up later than my boyfriend.  It was a pretty big house so I called out for him.  I hear him say “in here”, which directed me into his mother’s bedroom.  I walk in and see my mid-20 year old boyfriend laying in bed under the covers snuggled up to his mother.  It gave me the heebie-jeebies.  What is worse is that both didn’t see anything inappropriate about it or recognize an unhealthy attachment.  Furthermore, I found out through public records that incestual relations were encouraged in the family to keep the inheritance and the name going within the family.  My stomach churned whenever I looked at him after that and I was out!  Now that is certainly considered over involvement among the two.

Now with the closed-system family out of the way, I must indicate what an open-system family is and how that family functions.  Open systems interact with the environment and so may be capable of both adaptation and flexibility.  Adaptation depends on the family’s stability to permit family members to develop coherent, separate identities to make necessary accommodations to environmental changes.

NOTE: Due to culture sensitivity, all or part of the above may not apply to certain cultural domains.  Also, no family system is completely closed or completely open.