Nobody skates through life at least a little tainted, and with a few scars that tell stories, you struggle to believe. When it comes to love, there’s a reason some people are perpetually single. It may have nothing to do with looks or personality, but everything to do with a past that only burnt them in a time when they weren’t single. Most people have stories of heartbreak, while other people are completely defined by these stories, and until you hear them firsthand, beginning to end, you will never truly understand a person. That is why dating is so hard for some, so when you come across someone who seems completely undatable, there’s a reason for it, and here are some of the challenges you’ll face.
The moment you show remote interest in him/her, he’s/she’s going to try to find a reason it won’t work. He’ll/She’ll take off out of fear of what could be reminded only of flashbacks of when he/she did let someone in.
2. He / She won’t believe anything you say
He’s/She’s been conditioned to believe guys/ladies only say things with prior motives in mind. When you compliment him/her, he/she won’t believe it, and you’ll look at him/her and see this person who you think is completely wonderful, and you’ll be baffled as to his/her disbelief in it himself/herself. It’ll leave you wondering what guys/ladies in his/her past said to him/her and if he/she trusts you, he’ll/she’ll tell you word for word because there are some things you don’t forget.
3. He / She isn’t going to trust you for a while
It’s going to take a while for you to build his/her trust, especially if he/she was cheated on. He/She may not say it, but he’ll/she’ll always be a little insecure and wonder who you are texting and where you really were. Take it slow and be the example.
4. He’s / She’s going to seem distant
Just when you think you are getting somewhere with him/her, he’s/she’s going to pull back again and it’s going to seem like this effort you put into him/her is a lot of work. But trust me when I tell you, the juice is worth the squeeze.
If you gain his/her trust and he/she allows himself/herself to be vulnerable in front of you, that is one of the sturdiest walls you have torn down. And you’ll wipe his/her tears and hold him/her, and despite coming off as what he/she considers weak, you see it as beautiful. He’ll/She’ll apologize the next day for not being stronger and allowing you to see that side of him/her; but if you do, know that very few have.
6. He / She won’t say I love you first, or even say it back at first
The words I love you terrify him/her more than anything in the world and there is probably a reason for it. Don’t feel bad if he/she doesn’t say it back; he/she probably does care deeply for you, but if his/her past has taught him/her anything, it is to not give his/her heart away so easy.
He’ll/She’ll give up anything instead of his/her heart and, because of that, it gives him/her more reasons to add to the beliefs he/she already has of guys/ladies. He/She may master the art of being out at clubs and bars, knowing exactly what to say, how to move and what to do to get another free drink, but really it’s all an act. And in the midst of drunk hookups and anything causal, all he/she really wants is belief in love again; but to get there comes breaking through many layers, but trust me when I say, it will be worth it if you do.
The people who have been hurt the worst, at some point had loved the deepest. Their past is a beautifully broken love story that Nicholas Sparks can’t even write. The moment he/she trusts you to find out the stories that define his/her past, I guarantee you will fall in love with him/her. You’ll fall in love with his/her strength, his/her resilience, his/her ability to see the good when it seems all he/she has known is bad, and you’ll fall in love with how guarded he/she is accepting of the challenge. He’ll/She’ll let you into his/her world and he’ll/she’ll take you to his/her favorite places that he’s/she’s only been to alone. He/She will encourage you to better yourself, and suddenly slowly each of your plans will change as you make the decision to include each other in your life; but be careful when you do, because when you fall in love with guys/ladies like these, be prepared for your life to change in ways you never thought that they could.