If you haven’t noticed by now I’ve been on this whole kick talking about dating. I’ve been out of the dating scene for a few years, but not forever ago! I see some changes . . . I hear from others how it’s been for them . . . and it sounds like I’d be small bait in the ocean with several womanizing sharks. Not exactly the ideal odds. But what’s a woman to do? Dive in head first . . . with a spear gun of course.
Not every encounter is successful – you should know this by now. But when everybody you meet seems to be just a “little crazy”, or a “bit weird”, or doesn’t “understand emotions”, or doesn’t know a “good thing when it’s in front of them”, you may start to wonder “is it me?” Nope, probably not.
Here are some ways not to act like when dating someone, and to stay away from those who do.
- How not to date like a CRAZY PERSON.
- Don’t listen to the paranoia in your head. So your love interest hasn’t texted you back in 3 hours? Guess what they are probably doing? Working. Running. Watching a sports game. Know what they probably aren’t doing? Watching an erotic puppet show with their 4 other intimate partners and laughing about what a fool you are for texting them during the erotic puppet time. Remain confident that most people are inherently good, and they will get back to you if they are interested in you.
- Don’t obsess. So they don’t text you back. You thought you had had a good time out or an especially deep conversation but they still haven’t contacted you after several days. Don’t assume that you can fix the problem by even more contact with their voicemail. STOP IT! You are awesome. If people don’t like you, that’s their deal. There is nothing that you can do to change their opinion of you but you can, however, move on to someone else. And also if they are interested and just really shitty at showing it, don’t accept that. You can do better than lying awake at night waiting for a text or phone call.
- How not to date a LOSER.
- First date fiasco. He picks you up at your house, he is dressed impeccably and smells fantastic. When you get to his car, he opens the door for you and you are smitten by his courteous gesture. On the drive to the restaurant he tells you about his day, and you patiently wait for the moment to interject with the news about your hectic day and what great things you’ve accomplished in the past week, but you never get a word in (and if so, by this time it feels awkwardly forced). For the rest of the evening he pollutes your ears with his life, his job, his family, his goals, and his Miss, sorry about the news but your first date with him needs to be the last. This guy doesn’t have time for you because he takes too much time on himself.
- Dating should be painless. Ladies, we have a tendency to empathize with others too much. We want to identify the reasons why he behaves in certain ways. Stop giving excuses to why a man acts a certain way …. “oh it’s because he is intimidated by me,” or “maybe I’m judging prematurely”, or “maybe he’s just nervous.” No! He’s revealing his hands of cards to you. The tall tale signs of loser behavior that should not be rewarded again with your presence are: he only talks about himself with little interests in yours, he brings up women he use to date and tells you how attractive they were, he refers to his exes as psycho, crazy, or insane. He is rude to a waiter, he tells you how much money he makes and how important his job is to him, and he keeps trying to gauge if you will sleep with him.
- How not to date a GOT-TO-ALWAYS-HAVE-IT-MY-WAY person:
- Let’s face it! It is almost most definitely flattering when someone you like (finally) has their head together. What isn’t though is the person you like who is set in their ways. Over time they will only become more rigid. Someone who refuses to do anything new that may even well challenge him/her only makes for a long-term relationship that is both boring and one-sided. Assuming that s/he will change and open up to liking your hobbies is misguiding and likely will never happen.
- I have to watch sports all day. Okay, I know this is more towards men – but there are some ladies who watch sports a lot too. There’s nothing wrong with sitting on the couch and watching sports. Many do. But this should never trump the responsibilities of a relationship or take precedence over family obligations. There is a difference between loving sports and having a childish obsession with them. Choose someone who knows the difference.
- How not to date the HOT FOR YOU THEN I’M COLD TO YOU person:
- Having someone that becomes increasingly less romantic with each date. Most (men) will pull out all the stops in the beginning, but by the fifth or sixth date the laziness starts to creep in. You should know if you are dating someone like this is totally unacceptable. But still you find yourself justifying the reasons they treat you like that. They still say they like you, but show a totally different side. If they can show you that cold shoulder with ease, than it wouldn’t be hard for them to show you how hot they are for you if they want that connection with you. While no one should always be expected to plan five-star dates, at the same time, the romance shouldn’t just completely fall off a cliff at once. These changes in effort can be very foretelling of how s/he will be a year or two down the road.
- Once you two had sex s/he doesn’t have to try anymore. Always play close attention to how his/her behavior changes once s/he has had sex with you for the first time. If s/he truly cares about you, his/her good behaviors will grow stronger. Those who back down and start getting lazier after having sex for the first time were probably only after one thing to begin with.
- How not to date the ONLY FOR THE MOMENT person:
- This person spends just enough time with a person to keep him/her around but keeps their distance. They don’t want to lose you entirely, but they don’t want to make it too much of a regular thing either — because they don’t like you enough. They begin to take more and more time for themselves and friends, and less and less time with the person they’re seeing. They only want to see you when they want you. Other than that, you probably don’t really exist to this person.
- This person comes up with creative excuses as to why they’re too busy to hang out. They have to work late. They have to go see their parents. Their friend is sick. They’re sick. Their car isn’t working. They have to be up early to run some errands or go to a meeting. They wish you could hang out, but they’re “just too busy.” When they’re dating someone they know they’re not going to marry, truth and honesty isn’t part of the equation. They’re already saying they’re interested in the possibility of being together forever, while they very well know that isn’t true. What’s another lie going to hurt?
- How not to date like the EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE person:
- You have an ongoing debate inside your head on whether or not you should just call it quits. The problem is that you’re having a good time and don’t yet see a reason to jump ship. On the other hand, you understand all this time, energy and emotion are going to be invested in someone you already know isn’t the one. Likewise, you understand that by dating the wrong person, finding the right person is more difficult. But you don’t want to be alone.
- You catch yourself checking other people out and occasionally flirt with them. You are not in love with the person you are dating, but nevertheless believe you should give this person the respect s/he deserves. Right now you are thinking that you two aren’t soulmates, but you don’t want to hurt this person’s feelings. But at the same time you don’t want to miss the opportunity to pass up Mr. or Mrs. Right by not flirting. So flirt you shall! Followed by guilt and unhappiness of the person you’ve become. Your romantic love story is turning into the premise of a soap opera.
I was able to describe the how not to date like this or stay in relationship with anyone like this, now what are some good qualities to look for? That will be on the next blog.
The Date Report
Georgia Shaffer on WordPress